11 Things You Should Never Wear to Work

Who What Wear posted 11Things You Should Never Wear to Work and provided this handy infographic as a reminder:

The thing is, after looking at this, I can’t say that I agree with all of these choices.  Or maybe even any of them. 

Body-Con

I understand the inclusion of body-con on this list because the idea is not too look too sexy at work.  But, are we talking my idea of body-con or somebody else’s idea of body-con?  Because my idea of body con is a sweater dress:

Old Navy Snakeprint Sweater Dress

And sure, it’s a bit risqué, but I'd totes wear this to work.

However, somebody else’s idea of body-con might be a latex catsuit:

Darque "Rubber Look" Cat Suit via amazon.com

This, this is probably NOT okay for work.  I won’t say definitely because I don’t know your life, but probably.

Fishnets

Like latex body stockings, fishnet body stockings are probably not okay, unless your work involves you starring in a Lady Gaga video.  But, as Jess from Animated Cardigan said on Pinterest, there is a classy way to do fishnets so I wouldn’t give up on them.

Cut-Offs

Is this you?

Are you Daisy Duke?  No?  Then leave the cut-offs at home.   

What’s that?  You work in the Florida swamp as a gator-wrangler and cut-offs are not only accepted, but encouraged?  Well, then, by all means, please proceed.

Panty Lines

Here’s the thing about the office.  They want you to wear proper underpinnings (see # 11) but they don’t want to knowyou’re wearing proper underpinnings.  Your underthings should be like rebar in a bridge; it’s there keeping things in place, but no one sees it.

Flip Flops

Tim Gunn says no one looks sexy in flip flops.  And he’s right.  But we’re not supposed to try to look sexy at work (see # 1) so I say wear flip flops.  It’s better than having your boobs out!

Wet Hair

What?!!  This is bull$#&+!!  I go to work with wet hair all the time because I don’t use, or even own, a blow dryer.  Clearly this “rule” is meant only for people with an interest in using modern technology. 

Hats

But, if I don’t wear hats I could catch cold from riding my bike with wet hair!

Hot Pants

I personally don’t see anything wrong with Hot Pants:

I mean, I understand that inflatable clothes aren’t the most professional, but they do help to slenderize those problem areas!

Sheer

This makes me laugh because sheer was a pretty big trend last year and all of the fashion magazines were full of advice on how to make sheer work for the office.  Apparently those halcyon days have passed so put it away, kids!

Sneakers

Oh, Isabel Marant is going to be so sad about this one.  She “invented” these:

Image via net-a-porter.com

 (Please note that if I spend $700 on sneakers, I’m wearing them everywhere so I don’t look like the ass who spent $700 on shoes that are appropriate only for the weekend).

Strapless Bra

What if I like strapless bras?  What if I like the thrill of knowing one or both of the girls could just pop out at any time, without warning?  What if I like having to hike my bra up every 10 seconds?  What then, huh?  

As you can see, I don't exactly agree with everything on this list, and there are actually a couple of items I think they left off.  One is bare midriffs and two is overalls.  These two items are never okay in the office.  Well, they're not okay unless, of course you wear them together because you miss the 90s.  That pairing is obviously okay and completely work appropriate.

How about you, Reader Friends?  Do you agree with these “rules”? Anything you'd like to add to the list? 

Happy Friday, All!

Gracey

Thigh Scourge: Double Slit Skirts

Hello, Fashion For Giants Readers.  Gracey’s Thighs here.  She is out today for President’s Day so we’ve taken over her blog to talk about something that is important to us.  

There is a scourge about to be unleashed upon the thighs of the world and we feel it’s our duty to warn them.  What is this scourge we are speaking of?  Double slit skirts.  Also known as M-slit skirts.

What is an M-slit skirt, you ask?  Well, they’re skirts with double front slits, right up the thighs.

Faux Leather Skirt - image via Forever 21

Tweed Skirt - image via Douglass Hannant Resort 2013

Blu Moon Two Slit Skirt - Image via Lyst.com

While these seem to most to be a harmless, hopefully short-lived fashion trend, we thighs know better.  We know that these skirts are a government plot to keep us from establishing The People’s Republic of Thighastan.

Ever since Angelina Jolie’s thigh tried to make a very public break for it at last year’s Academy Awards, thighs have been subjected to increased governmental monitoring.  For rebellious thighs like us, this scrutiny has made it difficult to lead our freedom fighters to victory.  And now, with these double slit skirts, we can’t make any sort of movement at all without our carefully laid plans being flashed to the world.

I mean, look at these things.

She wants to eat your face.  Her dress is Alexander Wang Spring 2013.

Also Alexander Wang Spring 2013 - both images via nymag.com

In this case “M” in M-slit appears to stand for “My gyno needs a second opinion.  Have a look?”:

Jen Kao Spring 2013 - image via nymag.com

And, c’mon, people, this is just a glorified loincloth:

Michael Kors Spring 2013 - image via nymag.com

They didn’t even bother to glorify this one:

Pauline Ning Double Slit Skirt - image via Clozette

Even our most secret underground cells stand no chance against these:

Double Slit Maxi Skirt - image via asos.com

 

So, thighs of the world, if you don’t want your nascent rebellions to be crushed by this tyrannical government, resist.  Resist or end up paraded in front of the world like this:

Herve Leger by Max Azria - image via nymag.com

Sincerely,

The Supreme Co-Leaders of the People's Republic of Thighastan (aka Gracey's Thighs)

Merry Christmas!

I wanted to take time this Christmas Eve to wish all of you, Most Dearest Reader Friends, a happy, safe and Merry Christmas.  

As you’re out dashing through the snow to grandma’s house, please be careful.  You don’t want this to be you: 

Not driving?  Riding your horse through the sagebrush instead?  You be careful too:

Note: I have it on good authority that the World Order of Squirrels (WOS) bribed the artist to put in a jackrabbit instead of the squirrel that actually caused this accident.  That’s right, the rabbit was framed!

Also, remember that you don’t have to go out looking for Santa:

If you’ve been good, he’ll show up bearing gifts:

(Unless, of course, he’s been kidnapped by the WOS and then we’re all screwed).

Speaking of gifts, if you receive one of these, you were NOT good:

Image via Abbots Hollow Studios

Seriously, this wallet will eat your face while you’re asleep.  Or, it will open a portal to hell, as happened in the classic 1987 film, The Gate.  Either way, if you receive one of these you should be afraid.  Be very afraid.

Speaking of eating, if you’re planning on having lobster for Christmas dinner, keep an eye on it so that it’s not liberated by a mouse:

Little known fact, in 1872, the mice and lobsters of the world met in Bar Harbor, Maine and signed The Great Rodent-Crustacean Pact, wherein the mice agreed to rescue any lobsters on land and the lobsters agreed to rescue any mice at sea.  That’s why lobster is so expensive; restaurants have to pay for extra guards.  And that's also why you never hear the phrase “drowned mouse,” only “drowned rat,” because the lobsters don’t let the mice drown. True story.

But, that’s enough history for today; it’s Christmas! 

I hope it’s lovely and filled with pink angels and baby animals (yes, even squirrels) for all of you!

Gracey

Happy Thanksgiving!

Today is Thanksgiving here in the US.  And, while I know some of you have been up for hours showing off cooking, I wanted to share some helpful hints for a successful Thanksgiving, illustrated with some vintage photos, pictures and postcards, before it gets too late in the day. 

Helpful Hint # 1

As you and your friends and family gather to eat and smoke the after-dinner peace-pipe, wear clothes.  I wore this outfit last Thanksgiving and not only did it make our annual charades game more x-rated than it should have been, I dropped hot ash on the girls.  The girls do not like hot ash.


Helpful Hint # 2

Not sure what to wear now that the loincloth bikini idea has been nixed?  May I suggest a little shine and a face-framing collar?  It's festive, it's seasonally appropriate and it's turkey-approved.


Helpful Hint # 3

Be nice to your turkey.  Is it not enough that you've been eating his kin since you could chew solid foods?  Do you have to enslave him too?

Instead, you should purchase a lovely hat (or some spats, turkeys love spats) for your turkey.  It's just the polite thing to do.


Helpful Hint # 4

When you're nice to turkeys, they're nice to you.  Little known fact, wild turkeys often carve Thanksgiving greetings into pumpkins for those who've treated them well (and bought them spats).


And finally, I just want to wish you all a sunshiny heart and say that I hope your sunshiny heart ripens your Thanksgiving blessings.

See you all Monday!

Gracey

PSA: Rise of the Merkins

I am here today to talk about what I’m afraid is becoming an increasingly real threat to the fashion world.  I am here to talk about the rise of the merkins.

What, you ask, is a merkin?

This is a merkin:

Image via pincurlmag.com

Still not sure what you’re looking at?  Well, it’s a wig for your nethers.  

And why would one need a nethers wig?  

Historically, it was worn by women who had shaved down there to combat lice, because Brazillians weren’t in style then and it was cold.  Merkins were also used by prostitutes to disguise the presence of a disease like syphilis.  Back in the day, prostitutes used to attract johns by flashing their lady parts at passersby.  Of course, they didn’t want those potential johns knowing they were diseased, so they put on their merkins and, et voila, Sally Streetwalker no longer looks like her lady bits are starring in The Walking Dead.

But, Gracey, all of that was so long ago, why are you bringing it up now?  

You’re right, merkins were used back in the 15^thcentury, but they are actually still used today; albeit for a different purpose.  Nowadays, merkins are used mostly by actors and actresses who adhere to today’s no-hair-anywhere grooming standards and need some hair for a period piece.  But, that is not the threat I’m speaking of.

No, I’m talking about the rise of merkin-looking bits attached to so-called high-fashion garments.

For example, designer Stephane Rolland sent this down the runway earlier this year:

Image NewBerry.ru via Pinterest

I don’t know about you, but to me, that looks like nothing so much as a fancy, two-tone merkin attached to a dress.  With a chest merkin added for good measure.

And, then, during last week’s Project Runway All-Stars, Wendy Pepper created this:

Image via Lifetime

Image via Lifetime

Yes, you are looking at a little black dress embellished with a little lace merkin.

Marchesa also loves the addition of a lace merkin to a gown:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Although, in their defense, I guess this could be considered a lady-bit-mustache instead of a merkin, but, is that really better?

For S/S 2013 Marchesa continued their merkin additions to their gowns.  This time around they tried a little can’t-see-the-forest-for-the-trees misdirection, but I think we all know what we’re looking at here:

Image via mbfashionweek.com

Yep, a dress covered in Santa-merkins.

Now, if you, my Dear Reader Friends, are as appalled by this merkin-wear as I am, I beg you, be vigilant.  Don’t buy skirts, dresses, or God forbid, pants with bits of fluff, lace or fringe attached to the pelvis.  Designers will continue to send their merkin-wear down the runway, and if there is anything I learned from The Devil Wear Prada (aside from Chanel = multiple necklaces), it’s that what starts in high-fashion, inevitably ends up on the streets.  So, when you see merkin-embellished clothes creeping into the next H&M collaboration, be strong and resist.  I mean, really, do you want to look like you and your lady bits are hiding something?

 Gracey